The 60th Post Goes a Little Like This

This is my 60th post.

Very few people have read the past 59, but I like coming here once in a while and writing a little bit of nothing and a little bit of something.  I decided to update my VampireFreaks profile earlier and I thought I'd share a few of the things that I added.

My likes are as follows - 

Books - of all sorts and styles

Music - everything and anything will be played on my ipod.

Fancy dress!

Badges/Stickers

Cool socks

Hats

Shoes

Sleeping

Chatting

Purple

I love colouring (yes I'm 21)

I like people that I can have a conversation with. People who can start a conversation appropriately e.g. Hello, how are you? Not someone who feels the need to tell me right off the bat that they want to hook up/ broke up recently/ need to see a doctor because they are depressed.  If you need to tell me any of that, at least wait until we've been taking for a while.

I like people with a sense of humour. I'm a very sarcastic person, so sometimes, if I offend, I don't mean it. I just have a very dry sense of humour. I like people who don't need to point out how 'different' they are. It's safe to say that if you're on VF, you consider yourself a little different to everyone else

My dislikes are - 

Not being able to do my make up well

Pigeons

Bad tv versions of good books

Bad breath

People who talk for the sake of it

People who can't seem to speak proper English - innit?

Don't tell me your problems unless I know you well enough to care (even then it's risky)

Don't tell me that I can't have country, pop, and metal on my ipod. It's my ipod, leave me be. Don't try to tell me that a band/song I like sucks just because you're too 'alternative' to let people like what they like.

If I want to liten to The Vengaboys and then Killswitch Engage, I damn well will.

Most of the new 'dislikes' came from an internet encounter with a randomer, who decided to try and get me to add him on Skype. 

He's opening gambit? 'Heya, how r u? I hope your keeping well  I was wondering whether I could be able to add u on Skype, so I can show u myself on there, since I don't trust showing pictures of myself on this website ever, since there are some rather cruel people who could copy and paste pics and be rather abusive etc... so for that reason could you please provide me with your Skype and I hope u don't mind and that you understand >.< and I promise u I am genuinely a nice person and harmless and trustworthy, I swear on my mums life >.< By the way I am naturally tanned,I am a dancer from London and I like to work out a bit, I am a sportsmen too and I’m also doing a degree >.< p.s. we would honestly get on well! :3 tc x' 

I have a few issues with that.

1 - 'so I can show u myself on there' YOU SOUND LIKE A PERVY MERV!

2 - 'a nice person and harmless and trustworthy, I swear on my mums life' - PERVY MERV ALERT

3 - leave you're wee mum out of this.

Jeessus..

Here's Pervy Merv

All the thoughts!!

Been thinking about relationships and break ups again. 

Has anyone ever thought about how easy it is for the person who ended things to move on?

They knew it was coming, while the other person had no idea.

They knew that the feelings they once had, have now stopped and have started to move on.

The other person thinks things were fine and now spends a lot of their time wondering about why the other person stopped having their feelings. And thinking about if there were any signs or subtle hints that could have alerted them to the fact that their partner was slowly leaving them.

And then you have to deal with whether or not you're going to be friends afterwards. And if you are, how does that work? If you still have feelings for them, even if you don't, how friendly are you with them? If things ended okay between both of you, how do you know when friendly is friendly or when it's trying to tell you something else? How do you know if the friendly s actually flirting, or have you just been hoping that the friendly is flirting and things are going to go back to how they were?

What if you do the unthinkable and mistake the friendly for flirting and say something about it? And then you have that awkward conversation where you have to talk about how much you care about each other but they still feel that splitting up was the best things, and it feels like you broke up all over again.

Jesus, there's a lot in my brain

My face has never been so wet

Last night I had the mother of all crying fits. I was trying to get to sleep around 3am and I'd stuck my headphones on because I just wasn't drifting off. 

Then all of a sudden, I decided that I didn't want to be a teacher anymore. I sat up, I took a deep breath and then FUCK! I started crying, and crying, and then a little more. Til I could barely breath.

I jumped onto my laptop and spoke to my brother, all the while I was reenacting the scene from Alice in Wonderland where she floods the place with tears. I admitted to my brother and myself that I wasn't sure if I was going to be a good teacher, and better yet, I didn't know if I was able to finish my final year.

CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY CRY - for a good bloody hour too.

And I couldn't stop at all. My brother talked me to a little bit, convinced me not to make any decisions that I'd regret in the morning and to try and get some sleep. I climbed into bed, sent an email to my lecturer telling her I need a chat and tried to sleep.

Even when lying down and trying to sleep, I still bloody cried. 6am and I finally dozed off. 

Spoke to my mother today and told her what I was feeling. Realised that I might just be panicking about my final year and all the fun stuff that comes with it. Still gonna have that chat with my tutor 

Remember that time when...

Remember that time when it snowed really bad a couple of weeks before Christmas? And we got let out of school early because we lived in the middle of nowhere and the staff were worried we wouldn't be able to get home? Then you rang your mum to say you were driving back and she told you that there was no way you'd make up the mountain in your little car, because he big car barely made it. So you drove our friends home after being told you had to get their parents permission to be in the car. Then we drove back to my house, and you stayed with me for 5 days or so. 

And the snow was brand new and no one had mushed it all up yet.

And we tried to build a snowman.

And I fell over because I was wearing those weird plastic shoes my mum had.

And we drank tea and then went outside.

And it was magical?

I remember that time. I remember how it was a brilliant week, it was bloody freezing but that just meant that we hugged more

That time when #1

That time before we were going out and we were in the play park with all our friends. 

I was playing on the swing and decided to jump off, landed in a big heap on the floor giggling and you were the one who came to see if I as okay. You ran to the shop to get some sticky plasters for my knee and all I could do was giggle because I kept picturing me falling in slow motion and how funny it must have looked to everyone else. Then I smiled a lot because you helped me. 

You even bought wet wipes to clean my hands and knees to get the dirt out of them, then you let me lean on you so I could stand up.

That time when...